Raising multiples is hard. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. Sometimes I think people assume we are making it up, wanting to believe we are special or have it harder. It’s not about thinking parenting is a competition of who has it hardest though, it can all be hard one or twenty one kids, well behaved to hellish. It’s about a shared knowledge that it’s challenging in ways you can never understand unless you are wrangling multiples.
Two babies, toddlers, preschoolers hitting developmental challenges and milestones at the exact same time is demanding. Their ability to zone out into their own impenetrable world of chaos is challenging. Their full on love hate inseparable relationship, leading to fights but then a need to be together is difficult to manage. Not mentioning all the possible health and developmental challenges that multiples can present. Peoples seemingly never ending desire to offer up advice or judgement on everything from how much time your multiples should spend together/apart to the apparent ‘need’ for them to be dressed differently. It’s challenging.
From the most intense sleep deprivation in the early months to worrying about their development, their relationship, their independence, well everything really. From trying to divide yourself and your focus equally, to nurturing individuality while allowing their bond to grow and blossom. From being a referee to their next level fighting to trying to control their wilding behaviour when they have no intention of listening to you, only to one another. It can be hard. All worth it and often very special to witness, but hard nonetheless.
Who gets it? Other multiples parents. Like all things you can’t truly ‘get it’ if you haven’t lived it and we all need a tribe in life who understand, who we can use as a sounding board, who can offer advice from their own similar experiences. We all need to know we aren’t alone in this, that other people are hiding in a cupboard to for a couple of minutes peace from their own little soldiers of anarchy.
So here’s to fellow multiple parents, the ones who get it and who help to keep us all sane. We aren’t ever saying we’re special or we have it harder but my god our tribe together, the support, the solidarity, the shared understanding, that’s pretty bloody special.