đ two years ago the Twinnies were 15 months. Adorable, amazing little miracles but also super frustrated, moany, pissed off little boys.
Developmental delays from Prematurity arenât something youâre told about when you leave hospital, you arenât warned and itâs wrong.
You beat yourself up thinking that itâs your fault, that you should have done more, that you have delayed them, a guilt which is only more intense when you have multiples. You worry, god do you worry. Will they be ok? Will they ever walk? Will they remember being so frustrated? Will they hate you for not being able to make it better for them?
Logistically itâs a challenge. They are getting heavy but they need carrying. They canât sit but they want to play so you have to constantly be there to prop them. They canât speak but they have so much they want to tell you.
The continual frustrated moaning is exhausting for them and for you and every day it breaks your heart a little more and adds to that poisonous feeling of guilt. Guilt that you, their Mummy, their world, canât make this better for them.
And you werenât warned. Is that right?!
I donât believe it is.
I believe that outlining it exactly as it could be is better than brushing over it and hoping it wonât happen. I believe that truth prepares us and honesty, brutal honesty supports us through the challenges. It allows us to know we arenât alone, it can ease that horrendous feeling of guilt and it can give us hope that there is an end in sight.
Developmental delays are common, they are challenging, they are scary, they are isolating and they are complex. In most cases your preemie catches up but itâs in their own time. There is no milestones chart, no corrected age adjustment matrix but they get there and so do you.
Keep strong, keep believing that the day will arrive when they, sit, crawl and walk, when they begin to make sounds then words then conversations. The day will come and my god will it be the most amazing day. Xxx