I lost my younger self

I lost my younger self

I have been in London again today and my meetings finished early so I was left with an hour and a half to kill. I considered going and buying the kids something pointless and unnecessary to ease my guilt for not getting home until 9pm but then I remembered the National Gallery was right around the corner. It has been a burning 32c in the city today so I figured an hour in the cool gallery would be nice and would kill some time.
As I strolled leisurely (yes leisurely a total novelty) around the grand rooms and soaked in the paintings I felt completely calm, relaxed and serene and my mind was focused on absorbing what I was seeing in front of me instead of multi tasking my backside off. That’s when it hit me, I used to love art.
How had I forgotten? How had I completely forgotten that I used to love visiting galleries and museums, that I used to feel calm when I drew, that I was passionate about art, design, fashion and travel? I had literally 100% forgotten.
That’s when I realised life had taken over and during the last decade I had pretty much ticked off nearly every major life event. I had finished uni and a job had turned into a career, I had met a wonderful man who became my fiancé and then my husband, we had brought two houses and had three wonderful children, life had been a whirlwind and only naturally my priorities and my passions had changed.
It wasn’t a conscious thing and it’s not like I’m gutted, hell I hadn’t even noticed it happening but as I stood and marvelled at a painting of some flowers I realised I missed a part of myself I hadn’t even realised had gone until this very moment.
The hour I spent in the National Gallery today did more than just kill time and cool me down it gave me a feeling of peace and took me back to my teens. It reminded me of the 19 year old who spent a week in Rome for £150 and gazed for hours at the art and architecture, it woke me up to the memory that before I was mummy and before I wore a suite I had things I loved doing just for me.
Being a mummy will always come first and I wouldn’t have it any other way, time will always be short and precious and work will always be necessary, but I realised today that spending just a brief moment in time alone every blue moon doing something you once loved is good for your soul.

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